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Good to see Bob. We make a special couple - he's almost totally deaf and my difficult speech. Sadly amusing. Bob has given me so much joy and art and more. I will see him again soon in NY. Then saw Mathilde. I was quite tired. Speaking some lines of text I broke down. Sometimes it is just too hard not to be able to do what is so clear in my mind.

I feel trapped in another body. It is an ongoing struggle to make new friends Never Can Say Goodbye - Various - De Après Skihut Rotterdam 10 (CD) myself. With others it is easier though I often wonder how they can put up with me. Tea with new friend Claire de Gastold, a person whom I passed many time promising that I would be in touch. Finally, we had a little time. Claire is an illustrator. I did not expect the beauty of her work, the magic of childhood in Paris. Claire said she is not so exotic as others here coming from Paris, but I find that most exotic!

Well, I did expect to find beauty in her work - I could see it in her eyes. Now I could see through her eyes the city I so love. Yes, she knew a street corner near where she used to live, and of course recognized Palais Royale. But she did not know Bimbo Tower - turtle always shows something new in one's own home town. Never thought of the film as a turtle, but now I do! She explained why the licorice filling was so subtle - macaroons are made with almonds which is the main flavor in all!

It was a lovely tea, and Claire a new special friend, and turtle of course! De Gastold, a wonderful name I call her Z. The Z that loves Anouilh! Yesterday was another speech session with Mathilde.

I am Never Can Say Goodbye - Various - De Après Skihut Rotterdam 10 (CD) to relax and she helps to both guide and keep me aware. It is hard to slow down my mind when I have something to say, but I must do some editing inside. Do as people I respect most do: say less but only what is important.

Yes, I was jealous, but then it was so unattractive I felt I had an advantage. I must remember how one could almost whisper yet command such attention. Saturday's turtle seems to be falling to in place. We are in touch with the technical people and Nikki from the band is writing. I am excited to see what Gina and Kirsty have come up with. The turtle events up until now have been free or low priced. This will be a bit dear for many but I am hopeful we will find a way. Silversun Pickups were so kind and enthused to be turtles and it is exciting to do things in new places with new challenges.

Turtle will also reach a new audience. Main thing is it will be fun with wonderful music and language! I have to pace myself this week as I pack and clear a place for Gina on my floor. It is perfect. And Jean Charles has a video projector for next Friday! We spoke with Kate Breer as she and Robert are here for a show he is part of, opening on Thursday.

I had hoped to see Bob this afternoon but he is still getting over his travel. There will be a transit strike tomorrow and people fear it may last several days. G Sebald's work for the clinic. It will be good to see her and she will come on Saturday.

I stare out in to the space I have lived in for almost 6 months. I remember first visiting the room and leaving with great fear that I could never live here. It was too cold, the walk down the hall too long I could go on listing the negative things that came to mind. I was fatigued after travel from London and was staying at a friends, so I was lucky to be able to move in slowly. It did not take long to settle, and now I quite like the place.

It is the people who run it, work here, and especially the artists and good friends I have made. Just look at the ever growing list of turtles in Paris. I am so lucky. It took me a while to meet people. Those who know me would say that is quite unlike me, and it isn't.

It did not last that long. Just in from Athens Poetic Manifest for Aegina There are often no needs, when it comes to take in the sight of a breathless landscape, mountains running down like children to the sea. There is the valley of the many churches, as many as days in a year. Building exploitations. Some theatre group plays. A man cries out. Someone falls in love with the actor and no justice is done.

People are shown as searchers to understand. In the bus or metro only some take off their boots when others want to sit on the bench vis-a-vis.

That is not confrontation, nor manipulation, but survival. Passive resistance. Poets never liked resignation. And Zeina Abirached just wrote that she is a turtle! More on Zeina soon. Getting tired now.

Spirit gets dragged down. So before it gets too low I must eat. Thank you, Laura, it worked! I fell back to sleep until a friend phoned me at It's been years since I woke that late. If only I could sleep that late after 7 or 8 hours of sleep. I hope the clinic can help me with this. So yesterday was a bit off. I could not be where I wanted at 10, so I just took it slow. Had tea with Sonja and Melody. Sonja is going to Switzerland this morning to set up a new art piece, and Melody left yesterday for Berlin.

I got some more organizing and packing done here, but with a lot of fatigue. I felt like I was paying for a good day on Friday. Wynn came by and we took a walk to the 5th for an early Lebanese dinner. Always good to see Wynn.

He is kindly making a notice for the turtle on 17th which I am now beginning to get excited about. It would be hard for you to see it, but I feel that I can get all packed by the time Gina arrives on Saturday. It would be so nice to have the last week be less stressful and to enter in to the turtle on the 23rd with a good calm.

Antoine is back and will confirm with the priest, whom we may meet with again this week. Many friends are available to help and many to participate. It could be a special day of quiet turtle anarchy.

Mimi Khalvati, poet www. She suggested E. Markham who has written that he is likely to be in Paris and, if so, will read. I do not know his work but you can google as I did and there is a lot on him. Passed by Red Wheelbarrow to return Junot Diaz's novel and learned that Markham has read there, which did not surprise me.

I finished Diaz's book yesterday morning while waking the second time. The ending coincided with Andrea's playing of the flute concerto of Carl Nielsen, which always touches me. Together brought a deep wonderful sadness. I recommend this book www. His writing is like no other. You can hear an interview with Diaz here www. It is making me warm and I am laughing aloud. Life tonic. Her writing is so wonderful, and so is she. Thank you, Ali. You are right, anything is possible. You can also read Kirsty Gunn's review of the book at observer.

Kirsty will be here on Saturday with Gina and they will do something together at the turtle gig with Gina and Silversun Pickups. Stay tuned. This on top of always dipping in to poetry and short stories by the likes of Robert Walser and John Berger, and of course the recently noted Jove Jansson, and always poetry.

Now is the time to decide to try to sleep more, or just get over to visit Monica for our Sunday coffee and pick up yesterday's papers. Good morning and good luck!

Out of order, like me! Monday 5 November. Just saw a work via e-flux news that I find so beautiful. I only lasted the first act of Tosca tonight. The music did not move me but for an organ sound at the end of the act. It sounded wonderfully out of place. Speech therapy began this morning, Mathilde patiently teaching me to breathe.

Am happy to find her relaxing techniques relate to those I know to prepare for Tai Chi. But I was most happy to learn turtle in sign language. I may video Mathilde's turtle and add as a clip to the site - everyone should know! I must ask how to say butterfly! If I learn to breathe, maybe she will teach me more silent communication. I sadly missed it, especially Tacita Dean's film. Coincidently, my Sebald conspirator Ben Hopkins wrote that he will be in Zurich when I am nearby in the clinic.

Just opened Ali's book to find a quote from Kathy Acker: I am thinking about the difference between history and myth. Or between expression and vision. The need for narrative and the simultaneous need to escape the prison-house of the story - to misquote. Kathy's self-made "The adult life of Henri Toulouse Lautrec" by the Black Tarantula has been part of turtle from the start, and I want to build her missing presence. Yes, another turtle no longer with us.

I just got back in touch with Constance de Jong, a writer friend of Kathy's. Philip Wiegard, who just returned to Berlin, happened to have Constance as a teacher a few years ago and her email. Elizabeth is putting me in touch with Hatto Fischer who works with children who make drawings of war www. I have been following the news that such drawings in Darfur can be used in court to prove war.

The drawings I filmed in Beirut remain with me as scars. Before I forget, Antoine Viviani has an event coming up www. Sulpice on 23 November. Antoine is turtle's Paris angel. He is about to release a vinyl with cd of Winter Family to start his label. I am sleeping so little, in the most irregular patterns. Please excuse my not writing. Where was I last? It was wild. So many people in the streets we dove in to a boulangerie so I could have a sandwich, or at least begin one. She had a nice tart, then we walked towards my studio.

She was happy to be back, and will play a couple of pieces for turtle on the 23rd. I can't imagine the 23rd from this day of the 9th. Am still struggling with the 17th when Gina Birch opens for Silversun Pickups. Kirsty Gunn is making something with Gina and coming to take part, but I am trying to get her name on the venue web site, and was assured all would be clearly on a flyer as a turtle event with the turtle logo.

But no one writes back, and I have so little time and strength to follow up. I have to deal with a kind of large booking agent so can only hope things are done. I hope to establish the club has a video projector so Gina does not have to carry hers over. It will work out, in some turtle fashion. The 23rd will rely upon Antoine who is so so busy with Matthieu and R. Several friends will help, but the day seems so far away as I pack my things.

And he can place PROP magazines around to some galleries. Katje Stuke can drive in tandem as she will be here for the Paris Photo week. It will be wonderful to see Katje and Elmar. Began speech therapy with Mathilde on Monday.

She is very kind and patiently working on my breathing and relaxing. I saw her again yesterday and we will continue twice a week until I leave. I feel I will get a lot out of this, though it will be slow.

I am slow. It comes at a challenging time with little sleep and a lot of stress, but that's not just my life, that's LIFE. Sylvia's from the small town in Switzerland that Sonja comes from. I discovered Sylvia's work last year in a Cinema installation at Pompidou. I wrote her about turtle, but she was too busy to meet. I have since discovered how busy: she had a big show at the Sarralves Museum www.

Am so happy for her, but after seeing the Porto show I was disappointed that this one is so small. I hope to return when it is quiet and I can spend more time. Having a moment of bliss this morning, Thursday went back to sleep since I wrote the above. It is rare but a future is there! Now it is Saturday morning that I continue, so I must go back to Wednesday.

This day began with reflexology, and not much more. It takes an hour each way to see Catherine, and then I never can plan anything for the day.

I tried to eat well and sleep, and continued to sort things out for leaving. I've noted that for the first time since news of the clinic on Friday I actually slept during my nap. I have written to Roubaud to invite him and the work of his late wife Alix to be part of turtle. I know of Roubaud's work through Oulipo group www.

But I had only realized that Alix was his wife. Somehow her journals popped up recently, and I got a hold of a copy of the Eustache to see again, and I wondered what has happened to her photographs? No on seems to know. Jacques is the person I must ask. Thursday Melody and I had planned to visit the zoo at the Jardin des Plantes. I had speech therapy in the morning, came back, ate and napped, geared up as if for a hunting expedition but shooting with cameraswent to Melody's and we ended up having tea and talking.

The weather was not right, and I was actually a little ill. But I did shoot a bit of an animal in her place - a talking animal with its own language. Or maybe I imagined it.

Tea with Melody can be a moment of magic, a suspension in time, for we speak of time and time passes or was that an angel? Zoo next week after Mel returns from Berlin. Yesterday, Friday, was a most special day. Something was in the air. It is an academic oasis how can those two words go together? The Never Can Say Goodbye - Various - De Après Skihut Rotterdam 10 (CD) blew and the leaves were dancing. His office was dark and warm, and Karl has a wonderful way of storytelling.

I learned more about Inger, most special was the recording he found from Danish radio of her reading when she began to write. She sings her poems. I've never heard anything like it. Karl passed me a copy of his French translation of Butterfly Valley and I left joyfully kicking leaves. It is hopeful that the Danish house can bring Inger over for a future turtle. We must find a way for her work to be published here, even if it has to be a low cost limited or unlimited turtle publication.

The translations exist but the publishers say "poetry doesn't sell". These days I had lunch and a good rest, then Isabelle came over to make a cast of my ear.

It is her project of ear casts with smells she mixes in certain scents in to the plaster. This has to do with two other ears, one related to Camille Claudel and the other to Antonin Artaud. Diala arrived and Isabel gave us a lift to a bookstore where a young Lebanese comic artist was having a book signing. The author, Zeina Abirached, remembered Diala as she gave a glowing review to her first book " Beyrouth Catharsis".

It was a coincidence that I passed by this bookstore last week after an osteopathy session and wanted to buy this book but was 10 centimes short. I made a note of this signing, then met Diala, and discovered she knew of her work. We could not stay as I had to eat and get home, but it was a wonderful day. I am waiting to hear from Antoine about the 23rd and whether we need to visit this priest again this weekend to confirm turtle.

So the event is shaping, and there are a lot of helpers. If Karl Poulsen is in town he can introduce some of Inger's work, which he may also read, or we can play her recordings. I may try to sleep a little more now. Remembering the advice of nurse Laura Wilde from the NHS in London, I can sometimes wake and eat but not yet drink coffee and return to sleep. Good morning! The idea of going to the clinic has still not fully registered.

I pray it is not a dream. Damn, that's what I should have done this morning in church! Yes, went to church. For turtle. Met Antoine who had sent my turtle proposal to the priest. He met with him last week and we went together this morning. The priest hesitant. I made turtle quite "reverential", but I can imagine the list of people and the looseness of schedule was too anarchic! That's just turtle. Then he took us to another space rather than the crypt in which Winter Family played.

It is another crypt, a little smaller, for children. It is perfect for small and big turtles alike. And we can do it from 1 to 6. Now I have to see when the clinic will begin. If before, we will postpone turtle until next year, but it still may work. I did make it to see Nicholas Ray's "We can't go home again".

I only knew that it was done with students, but it is crazy wild wonderful! I recalled the Experimental Television Center at Binghampton college, and some of the people there. This was hippy lovely, a sense non sense collage of great beauty. I was laughing often aloneand both nostalgic and inspired. From what I read, Ray was editing another version that he never completed and better, claims Jonathan Rosenbaum.

I will see Bernard Eisenschitz tomorrow, who wrote a book on Ray, and will learn more. Now I should try to wind down and sleep. First enjoy a little more of Junot Diaz's new novel.

Bonne nuit! It is a turtle! Not only is there a section dedicated to turtle, but from the first two inside pages by Wynn Dan to the interview with Anna Blessman and Peter Saville you will find turtles throughout. The only thing missing is the turtle logo.

It will have to be stamped on - why not? Katje Stuke did a wonderful job of design and it is nice to see many friendly faces and have such good memories. Still recovering from the weekend. Met with the speech therapist, whom I like a lot. She is also very encouraging. I commence twice a week on Monday. Katje Stuke is coming to Paris for photo week.

Will show her new book. Check it out and help her make it at www. This morning I learned I can go to the Swiss clinic - soon! But I do not remember Rupert, the turtle! Found some more recordings of Carl Nielsen, got some food, trying to catch up with emails, read a bit, sleep and hope to swim in the morning, and make a Nicholas Ray film, "We Can't Come Home Again", late afternoon. Part of Victor Erice's carte blanche, so I must see it.

Not quite 7 am, waiting for the sun to rise. For myself to rise. Philip Wiegard left yesterday, Leticia Obeid tomorrow. It is a day between sadness. A happy sadness for these are friends for ever. I have not recovered from the weekend. The party on Saturday for Letitia, Philip and I - their leaving, my birthday.

It is not that I stayed up so late but rather spoke too much. A wonderful frustrating pleasure. I not only saw them, but I filmed them thanks to Nicolas Plommee. And that was at Nouveau Casino, the site of the next turtle on 17 November!

It was nice to be shooting with Oona Bijasson as well. I dj'd at a club where Nicolas spun. Afterwards handed the turntables over to old friend Mark Kamins. Mark and Nicolas became friends. I have been out of touch since Mark moved from Paris to Vienna two years ago. Mark texted me this weekend a birthday wish. This leads up to sad news. Frank was a NY dj of the same era as Mark. We were all friends. I had actually been thinking about Frank a few days before.

The last I heard he was enjoying great success managing a band in Nashville. So the 's cast a big shadow last week. I see it as part of my journey out of the darkness, with some shadow of protection. Friends we lose in body, but never in spirit. Now I have new friends in the Young Marble Giants. Now I can at least show a video of their performance and, perhaps, plan something live for next year. It was an end to a special week that brought me in to touch with Karl Poulsen, translator in to French of Inger Christensen's work, and her friend.

I will Meet Karl at the end of next week. The other day Letitia showed me a site for residencies around the world. I had to see what was in Denmark and, indeed, there is one. And its application deadline is in 2 days! I will make best efforts to apply. Scandinavia has been good to me, good to turtle. Tomorrow I will go to my first speech therapy session. The sky is clearing after a day of rain. Indeed, I did not cry yesterday! Perhaps I was too tired for such emotion. It is not a necessary tradition.

Thinking of new friends, I must mention Melody Owen thistlepress. And her videos have a poetry, like little acts of magic. She has introduced me to the Beluga whale, a small white wonder. Keep tuned to Letitia's blog nuevamelusina. I am trying to compose my CV. Was never good at this, and now must add what I have done since before I fell ill. It is more than I remember - and I mean that both being surprised at so much, and knowing that I am overlooking things.

I am comforted by the stories of Tove Jansson. Her snow of words isolates and protects, keeping good things in and bad things out.

I build safe places in my imagination. Childhood seems like a present in all ways. Tove's celebrations are not nostalgic but new. Familiar as a dream, and more special for we can return to her words.

Again, I thank Ali Smith who introduces "A Winter Book", as she has been doing to the publishing of her writings for adults, and Penelope who keeps me alive with her generous spirit.

The story "Correspondence" save my day on Sunday and made me think of Jan Morris. Now I eat the stories slowly like a special gift box of treats, but they are more like natural medicines, tonics to the spirit which can only lead the body on good paths, or "chemins". Reflexology this morning, and a visit from Dana Stoica about photographer Nicolae Sandulesco who published a book in of his photographs of Brancusi's work.

I was sorry to hear that Nicolae is ill, but happy that he is interested to be a turtle. May it bring him health! Am trying to wake from my nap and write. Overwhelmed by yesterday. It began with an appointment with a speech pathologist, Dr Elizabeth Fresnel.

Fesnel was recommended by Dr. Fresnel said that it is amazing where I am considering where I came from.

Lonely Little Girl - Frank Zappa - CD1 [1966-1970] Classical Mothers (CD), Scream (Heavens Cry Remix) - Various - Hard Trance Sessions 4 (File, MP3, MP3), Delmore Brothers* - Dont Let Me Be In The Way / I Know Ill Be Happy In Heaven (Shellac), Schau Nicht Zuruck - Exakt - Aufstand (CD), Samba Brasilia - Günter Noris Und Die Big Band Der Bundeswehr - Rock´n Roll Forever / Samba Brasilia, We Like 2 Party, I Love You, Earth, I Been Gone A Long Time - Every Time I Die - Hot Damn! (CD, Album), Get Some - Kottonmouth Kings - Mile High (CD, Album), Propaganda - Sepultura - Chaos A.D. (Vinyl, LP, Album), Ana - Various - Every Day A Story 2 (CD)